Dear Tim Rogers, executive editor of D Magazine:
On behalf of the City of Dallas, we want to thank you for keeping the streets of Dallas clean. By posting your Open Letter to a Litterbug you found a way to end littering in Dallas, and we applaud you. Here’s what you wrote:
Dear Driver of the Mini Cooper Registered to [redacted]:
This morning a little before 9 a.m., as I was waiting at the light at Mockingbird and Airline, I saw you throw a cigarette butt out the window of the snazzy Mini Cooper registered to [redacted]. Does [redacted] know you are smoking in her car and littering while you drive it?
This site will provide you some information about cigarette butt litter. Perhaps you are unaware that cigarette filters are made of cellulose acetate tow and that they can take decades to degrade. Ick! Maybe you’re also not aware that throwing a butt out of your window is a Class C misdemeanor and that if you’re convicted of doing it more than once, under Chapter 59 of the Code of Criminal Procedure, you can lose your car — or [redacted] can lose her car. Inconvenient!
One more thing: you can report litterbugs on this site if you see one. Let’s you and I get on the same side of this issue and make the great state of Texas a more beautiful place to live.
Rather than writing a thoughtful post on the harms of littering based on your recent experience, you chose to make an example out of one person. Thank you for that. Just like “Wanted” posters and the death penalty have ended crime, naming the person responsible for one cigarette butt will put an end to littering worldwide.
That’s because everyone on the streets of Dallas will drive around in fear that Tim Rogers might be following them. This should also deter cheating husbands, texting while driving, and AIDS.
So you’ve done it. You found a way to clean up Dallas (on Earth Day no less) while still coming across as a nice guy and offending nobody. Keep up the good work.